the writings of johnny pain
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I find the traditional holiday roast elf to be best. I like to take kite string and truss them up into a ball before baking. This requires standing there and breaking all their bones with a hammer (the faint of heart can kill them first), but it is worth the trouble and the blood clean up to get a nice display of golden brown elf on the table. I cook them at 250 for three hours to get the innards all done, then another three hours at 200 while I baste them in a melted mixture of candy canes and liquid lsd.
Happy Elf Eating!!