This is the time of year when people have to decide what to cook for the holidays. Like most, I will turn to the elf. However, I will not be making Cajun Spiced Elf Eyes, or any of the other 'trendy' new recipes. No,
I find the traditional holiday Roast Elf to be best.
I like to take kite string and truss them up into a ball before baking. This requires standing there and breaking all of their bones with a hammer. The faint of heart among you can kill them first, though I personally think that would take away some of the 'Holiday Magic'. It is worth the trouble and the blood clean up to get a nice display of golden brown elf on the table. I set the oven at 250 for three hours to get the innards all cooked, then another three hours at 200 while I baste them in a mixture of melted candy canes and liquid LSD. They come out rare and bloody and ready for fun... after all, like my dear grandmomma used to say, "What's the use of eating an elf liver without blood squirting everywhere?"
Have a heaping helping of some elf innard's today!!!
Here's hoping your holiday season lacks brutal anal rape . . . unless you are into that kind of thing, and then I am probably going to have to see some video. . .