the writing of john scott ridgway and his mental demons -- gilford tuttle, white male christian, and johnny pain -- punk serial killer with a penchant for vegetible molestation.
really, and truly
Published on December 29, 2006 By Gilford Tuttle In Personal Relationships
I sometimes make comments in a johnny pain mode and make an ass of myself. Nothing new about that. Last night I found someone who was criticizing an anonymous site, and everyone was leaving comments worried it was them... so I made one too, and got about the same reaction as Andy Kaufman wrestling chicks (which i, boof I am, thought was stupid at the time and have since revised my opinion --not just to keep up with the times and cause of the movie... I think). Anyone who knows me knows I only criticize big stars, and people who attack me. Otherwise, I tend to like about anything I read if for no other reason than the honest insight into another person's mind.
Comments (Page 2)
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on Dec 29, 2006
About the 'off putting prose,'... Wow, glad to hear that. Thoughtful comments like this really help me grow. Yes, the off putting boogers are there. I guess the lesson here is that I have to really think about which context I want to use them in. I write in a lot of styles, some better than others.. some terrible, downright embarrassing. And I forget to take blogging seriously sometimes. I write jokes in everyones messages usually, on ebloggy, and they know me.
on Dec 29, 2006
greywar : you make a lot of good points. I wouldn't want to be perceived as trolling. That is stupid. And yes, I think artists' are responsible for how people are taking their work, too. You wouldn't think that from my writing, but I am not someone who likes conflict in my personal life -- indeed I am a gentleman and friendly and funny to all, and I feel our similaraties always out weigh our differences. I once had a conversation with the head of the KKK... picked him up at the AMtrack on his way to the Jenny Jones Show. He was polite as hell, too. I didn't fuck with him. He was being met by a dum producer who didn't even know who the kkk was. I just treated them like I treat anybody because the young producer girl would have been mortified, and there was no point... I could have made him pissed, lost money, etc... and it would have done no good. So I treated them just like I would anybody... though I have another side, and if I had picked him up alone, I would have felt compelled to at the very least throw his ass out. I do not always write gross stuff, by the way. If you get my book, One War, you will find a well researched book about Darfur, the CIA, etc.. ensconsed in a fantasy of sorts. (a new addition is coming out soon, with corrections and an extended intro and stuff, so don't get them.. besides, I hope to give hundreds away for free to people who read my blogs). And my short stories have even appeared in christian magazines -- Iron. Maybe I have grown too cynical? Thank you for making me privy to the debate in here.
on Dec 29, 2006
SEAN CONNERS: Yea, that is kind of crazy... people lying to you all night. I get the creeps... I can feel, literally, how traitorous that is, to lie to people. When I was a young idiot, I lied to women to get them in bed, sometimes. Said I wasn't involved and was, or whatever. It was the death knell of all of those relationships, and the words always came back to haunt me. I guess that is why people get over lying mostly -- it often causes more problems than it solves.
on Dec 29, 2006
jENNIFER 1

I know IOtend to thank you all the time for your posts, but once more you make a good point. Perhaps I should start labeling my stories by a five bugger rating systems. It could start at zERO?
on Dec 29, 2006
bakerstreet, sorry for the adverse emotional reactions. This is really not what I am trying to do, so this discussion has been edifiying to me. I need to keep progressing along the lines I am, pushing the envelopes of my mind, and sometimes there is nothing cool in there... but, it is all I have. I made accessing my work so hard for so many on this site. First by dumping a bunch of stuff on line at once, not realizing this would cause havouc with the system... then I got mad at being criticized and wrote a couple stupid comments on peoples blogs who did not deserve my ire at all, making me look like not only kind of a word bully, but a stupid ass as well. Those are not my usual signifiers, but they come up... I guess that helps explain why I am so underground that I might as well be buried. I can really be an idiot. And by the way, I don't like that show Punk at all, though I do like the Jamie Kennedy Experiment (and then, I liked it better at first, when no one got pissed off, and now that they are getting pissed, due to a certain desperation on the writers part to come up with new schticks, I imagine, Kennedy looks uncomfortable when the acting ends). I would never do anything like that. I want people to be in on the joke... though at the same time, I know that my moral code offends a lot of people, and for that reason alone I cannot let critics of my content dictate my text. That is what hack's do. Like Delillo's character who wrote porn for kids to read.

Live and learn. I will kill my inner troll now. With a butcher knife. Then I will wrap my naked body in barbed wire and start whipping myself on the back with a belt that I have razor blades lodged in. Then, I will write my apology in blood, film it, and put it up on utube. If that isn't enough penance for this, I will cut off a few toes. I still have three left. Lost the others from burning toast and dropping that glass of water.
on Dec 29, 2006
Can you define trolling


although there may be a book definition, trolling is usually defined by the user. some see it as any criticizm of their position or work. some see it more narrowly as people who just make the same points over and over again to the point of harrassment. some see it as people who just mock anything anyone does.

regardless, one man's trolling is often another man's "just trying to get their message or point across."

most people don't see themselves as "trolls" but see it all over the place with others...kind of like racism.
on Dec 29, 2006
There is a troll in each and everyone of us just begging to be let out




on Dec 29, 2006
Once one has such a definition in place, if they consider themselves a morally evolving person, they have to change I guess. While not calling them trolls, I used to get rid of any negative comments that didn't have something to do with the work. If they gave me shit about a bad sentence of spelling, fine. If they just say I'm shit, then I guess that is trolling. I thought of them as flamers, and indeed wrote a short story making fun of them. I think it is on my blog. If not, I will put it up.
on Dec 29, 2006
Nah, there's nothing for you to feel bad about. I wouldn't say they are adverse, especially after I read about you and what you do. Maybe it is a testament to how utterly absurd people can be naturally that it isn't always easy to tell the difference between art and "life".

A troll is kind of what it sounds like. A thing that lives under a bridge who generally forces everyone to weather their existence in order to make use of the resource. You know someone is going to be there, and it is inevitable that they are going to respond in a way that just nukes the whole conversation.

That dampens conversation and makes people hesitant to even bother wading in. I don't see you as doing that, not in the least. I want to apologize for mistaking you for someone who was exiled, and who WAS a troll. This place and the mainstay personalities interacting with one another can breed a kind of tunnel vision. We forget that there are other people out there.

on Dec 29, 2006
I guess what will eventually clarify it for you is seeing how ex-members come back and flood the forums, or go off the deep end as much as they can just to irritate and distract. It's no fault of yours, but when people saw lots of articles being uploaded that were irreverent and not immediately digestible they jumped to conclusions.

I did, anyway, and for that I apologize.
on Dec 29, 2006
Well,thank you. I feel like I have been in a creative writing class today. And that is a good feeling, over all, though of course a little scary. Thank you also for taking the time to look into my writing and approving. I am a very flawed person... especially when it comes to being reactionary. This is part of what makes me a prolific writer -- I do react very strongly to my environment sometimes. This reactionarianism, like everything, has down sides. I forget how it is percieved sometimes. In fact, once we met a nice couple guys, straight buddies who live by each other, missionaries and teachers who happened to be christians -- of a very open minded sort, I knew because they were introduced to me by the bi-sexaul, hard living poet/techno wizard/second life guru Jason Pettus. They invited us to thanksgiving one year, and we went. betwenn the invite and the dinner they read my blog and found all this anti-christian prose... come the dinner, they were cold, and we could sense the change in the air. They were such wimps. I would not have had me for dinner, but they were trying to be christians and forgiving, but they couldn't even bring the topic up. I found out all of this later. When I was just wondering why they turned on me and asked some folk. I mean, they had laughed at my shows, and almost seemed to fawn over me at first. Knowing why they cut us out of their life, and knowing it had nothing to do with me, didn't make me feel any less crestfallen... POMPOUS, PROFESSORIAL VOICE: But that is the way it is with the philosophical battle that I am waging with writing -- the battle to stop materialism from turning the planet into a deadly dump, which I think needs to be fought on the field of science, far, far away from those who think a prayer is going to make a difference, or worse yet long for the bloody end and some rapture. " HAH~~ Artists are so full of shit. i write to define myself, because my personality is nebulous and open to change.

It may be better if people don't know anything about the writer.
I can see why people keep their live's seperate from their work, like Pynchon. The books and stories can't help but have the subtext of the write'rs life in them, if the reader indeed has read that information prior to approaching the text. Tom Cruise is bearing the brunt of this phenom right now. Too bad, I liked his first movie a lot... Now, he makes hairs rise on the back of my neck... but he is obviously a majorally odded out sort, and everyone is human, makes mistakes. Our greatest poet, maybe, Pound, thought the nazi's were right and in the process almost destroyed his literary legacy. Not to compare myself to the man who taught Hemingway his style--cut out all the descriptive words, he did, and that famous style that I have tried to emulate and learn, was born.... so, I was influenced by a Nazi sympathizer!!! Now the jews are going to hate me, too.



on Dec 29, 2006
It may be better if people don't know anything about the writer.


sometimes this is a good thing as there are certain people that take what they know about you and twist it and turn it and try to use it against you to hurt you when the fancy takes them....I am a cynic pay no heed!
on Dec 29, 2006
jennifer 1

About keeping ones personal infor private: Yes. A journalist buddy of mine keeps his cards so close to his chest that no one has ever seen them. He literally hides everything about himself, because he has seen so many people torn apart by the newspapers for doing or saying this and that. He was also in the intelligence community for awhile, and those guys are real closed mouth too. Criminals are another group that trusts no one with information about them. I tend to feel like I have to put myself out there, because I am a lot of things that people are unfairly criticized for. Like a pot head, a socialist, bi, etc... and I want to confront the enemy, have it out, make them look silly, and perhaps influence a few people... most importantly, I want other people like me to have a room of words they can enter where they are respected, accepted... something I never had, and longed for. I know this opens me up to an arrest, possibly, but luckily I am in Chi-town, where they don't care about small time users.

on Dec 29, 2006
It may be better if people don't know anything about the writer


that is a rather safe position to assume. but i have stated before, and will say it again, that depending on what kind of writing you do, it can be a detriment.

if you are writing fiction or about things that aren't personal or that no personal views are expressed, then an alias is no distraction. and yes, at times , may help.

i believe that if you are reporting however, or if you are writing non fiction and in that case some personal opinions will come into play, then credibility comes into play. and putting your name behind it carries weight. also, doing it annonymously, to me, diminishes the credibility.

that is why i use my real name.

now some will put up "what about the lunatics" protests...which are legitimate. but all professional journalists put their name on their work, a few may use pseudonyms but they are the exception.

i have been writing online since the early 90's under my own name, and longer offline, or in ways that i don't hide who i am where only "screennames" are allowed. i don't claim that this gives me an aura of credibility or infallibility, but it does let the reader know that i am willing to stand behind my words fearlessly. that i am not just spouting off crap just to infuriate people.

i have been approached about my writings in my life, but i've never had an unmanageable problem or had my life threatened in any meaningful way. most times, the reader comes away with a better understanding of my thoughts than any blog would allow in it's context driven limitations. and i've made a few friends over the years too.

but that's my way, my perrogative and it has served me well. others make their own determinations, rationalizations and justifications and hopefully they serve them as well.

on Dec 29, 2006
FOREVER SERENITY I am sorry that I hurt anyones feelings for no damn good reason at all. That is bad social karma, indeed. Hopefully, I can make it up to you with a few laughs.


Tuttle, we're fine. I've learned a little more about you and I understand (and that's why I restrained myself too). Thx for not coming at me in attack mode. You're a gentleman! And I'm holding you to the laugh, I love a good joke, bawdy or not!  
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