ANOTHER REASON TO FORGIVE
adler and intrinsic worth
I have been thinking a lot about Adler lately. He is a psychiatrist who puts forth a mode of thinking that brought him(and a lot of his patients) to a place from which he wrote a book titled, How To Be Happy No Matter What The Fuck Is Happening In Your Life (it actually may be slightly different, should look it up). He used the word Fuck a lot in a recent show I saw on him. An old man with a dirty mouth is my kind of bar buddy.
What I took from Adler was the notion that our behavior is seperate from ourselves. A person does certain actions and behavior, but that does mean anyone is worthless. Because they have good and bad actions. He was against judging, especially ourselves. He wanted his patients to label behavior as good and bad, but not the person behind the behavior. Looking at things like this can lead to changing negative life patterns without condemning ourselves as alcholics or some other negative label that is meant to describe a human.
He talked about how we often judge ourselves and others harshly. Like when there is a car accident and some people go off (I am amazingly calm, after being hit22 times no shit -- got so used to it after getting smashed into over fifteen years of cab driving; only two sent me off in ambulances, though over-all the seat belt and airbag kept me from any serious injuries). These people think the person is bad, so they yell at them. But what they should be confronting is just the bad behavior. What can be done about it? Call the cop and get them to write a ticket and blame the person at fault, call the insurance company...
When we look at a person as a sex object, or a horrible person who hit our car, or... we are not seeing the person anymore, obviously. We objectify them. Make them into something that is easily explained away in the most base of terms -- black and white has little place in this grey, grey world.
Orson Scott Card did something like this in his Ender Novels. At the funeral's in this ficitional future, an individual's behaviors were all read, both good and bad. This lead to a real acceptence of the person, instead of half thinking they are hero and half a villian, they know that despite the great things the person might have done, they made mistakes just like the rest of us.
This accepting of other people as having intrinsic worth is important in a selfish way -- by not judging others, our own judgements in our head will lessen. Instead of hating oneself for 'Slipping' in AA or something and killing oneself, one can see that this one behavior is not ones whole life.
THis kind of myopic view that one behavior defines our entire life leads to japanese businessmen killing themselves when they get layed off, as well as Playboy. Men need to look at woman as a much larger entity than their sexual behavior; as a collection of behaviors that include excelling in business and making the same amount of money, as well as letting them dress however they want without fear of being stoned by some religious nuts. This is easily said by me at 44 -- at nineteen, growing up on porn and having a lot of lovers and partying like kids do, I did look at women like this all the time, and I still do look at how they swing their buts as they walk, but those I meet and talk to are not objectified in my mind. I only let myself think about M. in this way.
So, maybe, next time you find yourself mad at yourself and feeling all pissy, you could try saying to yourself, "This is a behavior. I can be mad at the behavior, mad enough never to repeat it, if possible, but it does not effect my intrinsic worth."
Intrinsic worth, by the way, is best explained by a normal mother/child relationship. Mother's love their son's who commit heinous crimes because they love someone who has done a lot of other things besides a crime -- some good. The love the mother and son have for each other transends behavior, becomes intrinsic.
I think I have learned how to love all humanity and animals and plants for their intrinsic worth. Unfortunatly, on this blog, a lot of times my writing says the exact opposite of this. I would like to say this is intentional satire, but I suck too much to have thought of that. So, once in awhile I feel compelled to write a short essay like this to say that I love muslims and christians and satanists and even that fundamentalist preacher who was snorting coke and swallowing cock while preaching against gay marriage (would I be so kind had he spoke out against man/vegetable behavior is perhaps another story). They are all more than just those behaviors. To criticize these behaviors, I take certain liberties.. like pretending I am killing off the folk in an NRA office. I have uncles whom I love who are into guns a bit; one behavior does not make a human.
In this supposedly 'blue' and 'red' state split, it is probably more important than ever to find the core values that we can all agree on -- education, health care, the environment. Hopefully the Democratic majorities can work their way through the president's lies and clean up these damn Republican messes.
Clinton lowered the debt and kept the economy strong, which is traditionally what people think Republicans do.. Bush has done just the opposite, of course, though he was sure to take care of that 4% at the top whom he calls "MY PEOPLE." Yes, that is a direct Bush quote, by the way, from some dinner speaking to a bunch of rich republicans who are basically saying, 'lower my taxes, no matter how many old folks have to die in slums'; no matter how many disabled people are forced to live in poverty; no matter how many kids lack even the most basic academic skills due to the lack of teachers and the woefully low pay of perhaps the most important vocation in the county; all because, to quote Horatio Alger, "I like to use it to make more because those numbers in my bank account rise like the mightiest hard on of all." Uh, by the way, Horation Alger did not say this, but he would certainly agree with the spirit.
This would lead to me trying to love Bush for his intrinsic worth, rather than hate him for the behavior he has displayed. Perhaps if were at a dinner party, I wouldn't throw food at him and talk to him real slow like I am addressing a retarded toddler?
Nah... I would... I will never Do Adler well enough to keep me from tossing a few string beans at his smug little evil smile; after all, I do indeed suck, really, really badly.