I bought ninety hamsters. You would think this would be a good thing.... but, inexplicably, things have gone very, very wrong.. This sad tale began when M. had to go to Indiana for a week to spend time with mother. Now, normally she keeps all the cash from me, because . . . truth be told, she keeps the cash away from exactly because of episodes like this. Regardless . . . this time, she left me the rent. 810 dollars cash in the hand. Green and hot. Now, M., she will ...

RALPH BRINGS DOWN THE WRATH OF BOUNCING TOM SMOOZE CLONES AND MAD DONNA (the mutt with the head of MadDonna, a surgery she underwent while on a 'doggie style' kick) AND ASSFACE KURCHER ... Thus Spoke the God Ralph: "I am sure that you have heard of De-proggraming, Muggily, where a cult member is taken to a hotel and fed big mac's and forced to watch soap operas and Jim Varney films until they are as normal as the rest of you humans? Well, why doesn't anyone do this with, say, th...