Yea, the cops got to his penis. Turned it on him. You slap someone around like Pee Wee did his penis, you got to expect the damn thing to turn on you. Yea, that penis was telling the cops where Pee Wee was, and what and who he was doing, in what orifice and with what thrust frequency 24 hours a day. This is not just an idle conspiracy theory dreamt up by some stoned writer in Chicago... . It's more than that. I mean, who wanted to bring PEE WEE down? He was a gay hollywood play...

I was out letting Ruby kill squirrels today. We are up to fifty three and a half (one was pretty badly wounded, but managed to scramble up a tree with just two and a half legs). For the sake of all that you consider Holy or funny, do not tell M. about this. She already suspects something is up because of the blood she keeps finding on Ruby's snout. I have her convinced that ruby has a secret stash of Strawberry Jelly; which I make all the more believable by hiding some jam that I put on her lips...

The world's penguin population is SPINNING IN CIRCLES so fast that they appear like black and white blurs as they scream again and again, "Oh, the shits with you!' Visitors to zoos across the world responded differently to the odd behavior on the part of the notoriously unruly aquatic waterfowl. At New York zoo, the cursing penguins were pelted with empty cans of coke and admonished to "put up some amusing antics, or get the hell out." Surprisingly enough, the normally unarmed penguins retu...