I went to M. this morning with my idea to spend the rent money on a suit of living hamsters, trained to kill; told her, "Look, next time someone tries to force me into a van, and kidnap me, they will be grabbing a rabid hamster hell bent on biting." I pointed at my stick drawings showing a man holding a gun on me as a hamster bites off the offending arm (this is an exaggeration -- it actually takes them quite an effort to break the skin at their present skill level, though training should...

I went to M. this morning with my idea to spend the rent money on a suit of living hamsters, trained to kill; told her, "Look, next time someone tries to force me into a van, and kidnap me, they will be grabbing a rabid hamster hell bent on biting." I pointed at my stick drawings showing a man holding a gun on me as a hamster bites off the offending arm (this is an exaggeration -- it actually takes them quite an effort to break the skin at their present skill level, though training should...

We moved around a lot when I was a kid, passing silently, almost un-noticed through a series of small towns in Northern Indiana, mostly up around the Illinois line. Nice towns with town squares filled with a gleaming white courthouse and maple shaded streets lined with houses sporting long front porches -- filled with kids and old ladies, all rocking and waving as we passed. There were smaller towns yet, with just a gas station/grocery store, a long rectangular, dim bar named after the ...

RALPH BRINGS DOWN THE WRATH OF BOUNCING TOM SMOOZE CLONES AND MAD DONNA (the mutt with the head of MadDonna, a surgery she underwent while on a 'doggie style' kick) AND ASSFACE KURCHER ... Thus Spoke the God Ralph: "I am sure that you have heard of De-proggraming, Muggily, where a cult member is taken to a hotel and fed big mac's and forced to watch soap operas and Jim Varney films until they are as normal as the rest of you humans? Well, why doesn't anyone do this with, say, th...

Somehow, this story didn't print right... so, everyones comments were on two paragraphs from the middle of the story. Or so I think, since I came in here and only two paragraphs were here. They may have read the whole thing... Sorry. Here is the real post. On the run from the vast Mormon Mormon High High Counsel, and a crack team of ninja scientologist lawyers, some crazy Kabbalah killers lead by Mad Donna, Assface Kurcher and Demigod Moore, the God Ralph and his often unfaithful follow...

After curing the inbreeding and goat fucking tendencie of the Elvi-Peeps, Ralph and his not really all that faithful followers drove the RV through miles and miles of beet fields. The beets were getting on everyone's nerves, as beets tend to do. . . especially evil beets, as these surely were. Ralph finally changed them all to bushes growing little lamb heads but no sooner did they kind of laugh at his miracle then there was a loud crack of lightening, the sky turned black, and the beets...

Our story has thus far more or less concerned Mugily and Ralph, and basically ignored the other occupants of the RV during their much less than epic trip, though they too had been enduring the cruel fate of being slaughtered over and over again by the Mormon Molemen High High Council and the Kabbalah-kooked Ass Face Kurcher and his slut hound (a creature consisting of the head of Mad Donna and the body of a bassett hound, which the wealthy near immortal slock-pop singer had done to herse...

This is part eight of the story of OUR GOD RALPH, a tale of the slacker god and his disciples cruising across the country attempting, usually unsuccessfully, to avoid being assasinated by a cabal of Scientologists, Kabbala-nuts, and the Mormon Mormon High High Council. Ralph and the crew stopped for breakfast at a diner. The celebrity janitor took one look in the door of the dingy room filled with small troughs containing various types of gruel and said, "No! I will not eat in a fu...

Ralph has the RV stopped in a rest area, overlooking a vista of field after field of the grey, muddy sludge that had replaced the grass and the forests. A warm wind was blowing the stench of a putrid landfill into their faces as they silently stretched their legs. Ralph occasionally, like just then, had regrets about the way he had played the whole god game on earth. Every time a species died out he had killed a few humans before he could reign in his anger -- the accidents his follow...

liars make the world go round & liars tear the whole thing down liars make their lovers criers screamers of the universal vindictive -- LIAR Liars spin luscious mental worlds ask us to come on in and play from the cult leaders to kindergarden teachers to the best seller's in that top ten list all telling whoppers from the almighty to the minute liars by nature hypocrites all blinded by protective walls we sit nervously waiting for that old axe to fall or some...

SIN ALERT!!! From Gilford Tuttle, White male Christian warrior. Like I tell my children and wife every day at breakfest: If a woman has premaritial sex, or has sex with her husband that uses any method of sexual contact that includes 1) leaving the light on 2) extraneous touching 3) open mouth kissing 4) Any other heathen practices outside of the actual act of insertion and short, brisk thrusting .... will get you sent straight to hell. I cannot emphasize this too m...

Praise the mountanious balls of the rightous, short haired, aryan Jesus. I am using my new voice operated program to get these words on the screen simply by talking into a microphone!! Oh, Praise The Buff One!!! He is so in shape!!! Can you just imagine the health club there? I have had visions of working out with a chiseled and cut Jesus and a bunch of Angels. This one always ends with us having to rub oil on each other. I really feel the hand of god at such times just pumping me u...